Accepting vs Tolerating Your Mate

Accept: “to favorably receive”

Tolerate: “to put up with”


When I first meet people I’m fairly quiet. Some would even call me shy. It’s not that I don’t like people or don’t socialize, I’m just quiet. Some people are okay with it, others find it intolerable. For example, I used to date this guy and he was very personable. In that way we were complete opposites because like I said, I’m usually quiet when around new peopele. When it came to being around his family he hated that I was so quiet. I was around his family a lot so eventually he tolerated it, but I’m not sure ever accepted it.

My quiet, shy nature when meeting people is a part of what makes me Tonjie. I used to feel bad, but now I accept it. The reason I felt bad is because I knew he only tolerated my behavior. In relationships, there will be things you don’t like about your partner. You decide if you want to accept those things or just tolerate them. If you only tolerate your partner, you are bound to be unhappy. Your happiness is just as important as your partner’s happiness. Toleration can lead to resentment.

Here are some ways that you know you are accepting your mate:

1.When you accept you don’t try to change them.

2.You realize that leaving them is more unbearable than staying.

3.You invest time and energy into learning about the things you have to accept (and may not like) in order to offer them better support.

4.You are okay in knowing that you won’t always be comfortable. It’s not forcing it, just accepting.

5. You don’t keep bringing it up. You respect that your partner is fully aware of themselves and don’t need a reminder from you.

Of course, there are some cases where things are unacceptable. That’s okay. Just remember that your happiness is important.


3 thoughts on “Accepting vs Tolerating Your Mate

  1. This is a great piece. There is definitely a difference between accepting or tolerating a mate. Toleration will only last for so long before the breaking point is reached. Fulling accepting someone is truly what a healthy relationship is based on.


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