I Love You…But Not In That Way

Pandora always seems to get me into my feelings. Naturally, when this song popped up my eyes started to water, my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach, and I squeezed my eyes tight. I’ve been rejected before, so I felt ever part of his pain. It sucks!

In this song, it seems like he is talking about a friend, who does love him, but not romantically. No, it is NOT about the friend zone (that’s not a real thing by the way). It’s about friendship love growing into romantic love. While this has mainly been the opposite for me, it made me wonder. If you fall in love with a friend should you tell them? Is it worth the risk? As a lover of romantic comedies, I see it ALL THE TIME. And I have seen it in real life a few times too. Some even believe that your partner should be your best friend first. I think it can have some good and some bad.

Here are some possible PROS:

1. You know the person well.

You know their bad, good, and amazing. Most times, you know how they are in relationships based on long conversations.  If they keep you around as a friend, you must be impressive to them in some capacity. If it’s a best friend, you know their family, likes, dislikes, reactions, weaknesses, and probably much more.

2. They know you.

They know as much about you as you know about them. I think it’s safe to say, they know all much or in some cases more, than number 1. There is nothing more special than a person that gets you, the real you. Not the “let me be as perfect as possible in the beginning” you.

3. You have probably been through a difficult time together. 

Support, especially during a difficult time, is essential for a relationship. We all deserve partners that will intercede for us, comfort us, empathize with us, and offer support. Chances are, your best friend has done that for you, probably more than once. That type of support builds a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.

4. They know things about you that others don’t, and love you anyway.

We have all told our best friends something that might give others pause. It has to be nice to have a partner that knows your secrets before entering a relationship and doesn’t judge you.

5. The awkward “getting to know you” stage is over.

Am I the only one who finds first dates and getting to know someone awkward? Personally, I think it’s a lot easier when you already know the person. Friendship allows us to be our natural selves, most times we aren’t trying to impress anyone. We are just trying to have a good time. I’d want to fall in love with a friend for this sole reason…lol (but I’m serious…).

There can also be some CONS:

1. The friendship might be ruined.

What if it’s a situation where they don’t love you in a romantic way? Where do you go from there? Hurt egos and feelings ruin friendships everyday, and when we add in a vulnerable emotion like love, it’s so scary I don’t want to think about it. Is it possible to stay friends without rejection and embarrassment blaring in your face?

2. They might be in a relationship.

They might really care for their partner and love you as well. Does that mean they drop this person they love for you? Are you cool with them cheating? I’ve watched Something Borrowed enough times to know this doesn’t always turn out well. This is especially if you are close with their partner, that sounds like a big mess.

3. What if you are in a relationship?

Are you supposed to just drop your partner? It may end up hurting them worse than cheating. This is different from cheating because having a close relationship with this person is totally acceptable. Will your friend look at you differently now? Like, if it came down to it, would they trust you?

4. They know all your “not so good” stuff.

This was a pro, but could the con could be that they know you too well. I can just imagine someone bringing up something their best-partner-friend did back in freshman year or something. Even sexual partners aren’t left up to the imagination. They know everything before you get a chance to tell them…eek!

5. They don’t love you back.

And now you feel like Sam Smith…or Beyonce on Best Thing You Never Had.

Please leave comments below, and tell me what you think. I’m legit interested!

Found this song on here. Make sure you check out this awesome podcast!

6 thoughts on “I Love You…But Not In That Way

  1. This a very thought provoking piece.

    You’re right, there are pros and cons to falling for a friend. However, I think the reward far outweighs the risk, if things do work out.

    I know that I ideally want my wife to be my friend first. I believe that’s a far better foundation to start a relationship on.

    I’m curious though, why don’t you believe in the “friend zone”? lol

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    1. Thanks for your comment Jay! The “friend zone” is make believe lol At the root, it makes someone a villain for exercising their right to say no and not be interested. It’s like saying someone is owed something for being nice and being a friend. What is that? lol And a lot of times, if a person is “friend zoned”, they react with bitterness and taint the image of the person that “friend zoned” them. This is a very misogynistic based idea, and I’m anti-misogyny.

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  2. I love this post ! It hits home, and I can def. agree that there are pro’s and con’s to this topic!
    I think it depends a lot on what type of “friends” two people are to begin with. A lot of people use the excuse that they’ve been “friends” for so long, assuming it will work out, when really they’ve just been associates. If you two are REAL friends, I think in many cases, the pros outweigh the cons! Your real friend will appreciate everything about you, thus potentially setting the stage for a great relationship. If they aren’t “feeling you” like that, I believe a legit REAL friend will be able to communicate that to you before the friendship is ruined, because just like any other real friend, they don’t want to hurt you. They’ll understand that leading you on will possibly damage the relationship you two have. (In most cases) buuuuutttt on the other hand, someone who’s your “friend” just because they’ve been around you for a long time may not feel such a great responsibility to protect your feelings.. They may not think so selflessly and could end up dragging you through the notions. When things go bad, they may not try as hard to savor the friendship either… I’ve been on both sides and I can def see the difference between the two looking back! Soooo I guess what I’m saying overall is that, I’d prefer to date someone who was my REAL, TRUE friend first…there’s just a different type of loyalty that comes along with that! 🙂

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