Why I Stopped Praying for a Husband…

wedding-bandsA few years ago, I decided I was going to start getting serious about my relationships with guys. I had a couple of long relationships, a “it’s complicated” situation, and a few first dates. It was after I renewed my relationship and faith in God, and had a “man-fast” that I decided I was ready to meet and be with the man who would be my husband. I wasn’t ready to get married, I was just ready to be with my husband (it made sense to me at the time- don’t judge!)

So I prayed. I prayed for this person. I prayed for a boyfriend that would soon be my husband. I prayed that he would take me on dates, look out for me, send good morning texts, go to church with me, pray with me, be educated, have a good job, we would travel together, and he would love me enough to want to marry me one day.

I prayed for this person, spoke them up, and guess what? I met him. One night I was with my sister and best friends, and I talked about this guy, that night I met him. He was, and did everything I prayed for. He even said he wanted to marry me. We were great together and into each other, until we weren’t. We just didn’t work out, and it crushed me. How could this man who taught me so much, introduced me to my church, and met all my standards not be my husband? For a long time I forced it. I didn’t believe God brought this man into my life just so he could leave. But he wasn’t my husband and I was not prepared. I saw the qualities in a man that I desired, and I made up my mind that he was the one for me. I was so wrong.

During my healing process God revealed some things to me. One big message I received: I needed to stop praying for a husband. Instead, I needed to pray for my
husband. See, God knows the person that I desire. I have told Him that plenty of times. The reality is, if God told me I could pick the person I want to marry right now, I’m not sure I would pick the right person. That’s not to say I haven’t met my husband, I’m just saying I don’t know what God has in store for me. God knows what I deserve better than I do and when that was revealed to me, I turned my romantic relationships over to Him.

So, I instead of praying for a person with a certain set of standards, I pray for my husband like I pray for my friends. I pray that he is seeking God when he is troubled, I pray that God gives him strength in courage when he needs it, I pray that he is using discernment to prepare himself for our union, I pray that God is preparing him to be the man that I desire and deserve. I pray he is having a great day today.

At the same time, I pray that I am prepared when I do meet him. I pray that I make the right choices. I pray for my discernment when I am fully prepared. I pray that my heart is soft when I meet him. I also pray that he is saying the same prayer for me. God knows my desires, and if I had to place my faith somewhere, it would be with Him. In the meantime, I am growing into myself and becoming the best person I can possibly be.



4 thoughts on “Why I Stopped Praying for a Husband…

  1. That is a beautiful post. I have stopped praying for “specifics”, as part of my life journey I concede that God knows better any way.


  2. This is a very honest, introspective and candid piece. Great job Tonjie!

    Life truly is a learning experience. Enjoy it and make the most of it!


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