As a sort of newbie to the adult dating world, I have met guys that I was into, and guys that completely missed the mark. Through past relationships and dating, I’ve developed a pretty good idea about the kind of man I would want to be with. A man is most attractive to me when he :
Is slow to anger
There is nothing more unattractive than a guy that can’t keep his cool. We all get upset, but that does not mean that we have to get defensive. A man that is able to think before reacting shows a high level of maturity, and character.
Has some kind of hobby
Honestly, I think everyone should have a hobby. We all need to spend time focusing on something that is not work related. I love seeing the intensity guys have when playing intramural sports, or hearing about why or how he got into comic books. Most times we don’t get paid for our hobbies, so it’s kind of cool when a guy does his passion without getting paid.
Maintains masculinity without being controlling
Many times people equate being a man with being in charge or in control. Sometimes, if a guy is not in control he might feel like he is being emasculated. A man that understands balance knows that he can still feel like a man without controlling every situation. In relationships, a man might be the captain of his team (or relationship, partnership, etc.). A good captain knows that he is an equal part of the team, and knows how to lead without making his teammate feel inferior.
Is spiritually grounded
It wasn’t until recently that understood the magnitude of a man being spiritually grounded. I know that everyone is not religious, but a man that has faith is super attractive. I like when a guy is going through something and knows that he need God to make it through. There is also a difference between being spiritual and being spiritually grounded. A person may be spiritual, but not have the tools to create a spiritual foundation.
Has a heart for service
Maybe it’s the activist in me, but it’s so attractive when guys do community service. Serving others is a very humbling experience. It teaches you to appreciate what you have. Some people do service because they have to, others do it because they genuinely enjoy helping others. When I guy serves on his own he earns major points in my book. Even something as small as giving a homeless person a dollar is pretty dope.
Is tender with hiswords
” Be tender with your words, you might have to eat them later”. The quickest way to lose my interest is by talking ill about others (myself included). I dated this guy that always had something negative to say about other people. It seemed like he didn’t like anyone I would bring around and he would go out of his way to be mean. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t work out.
Can have a conversation without cussing
Back in the day I used to cuss like a sailor. Thank goodness I’ve changed my ways, but now I’m really sensitive to a lot of cussing. It’s very refreshing when I’m holding a conversation with a man and he is conscious of his language. We should all be creative enough to hold a conversation without every other word being explicit.
Is honest and open
Honesty is an awesome quality for anyone to have. Being open and honest also means that a person doesn’t omit. If someone is being honest, they should be totally and completely honest. It may seem backwards, but I can appreciate a guy who is honest about his interest or lack thereof. Furthermore, it’s even more attractive when a guy is honest about his intentions, be it sexual or intentions for a relationship.
Has an open mind and accepts people as individuals
We are all different. We look different, we have different beliefs, different sexual expressions, different cultures, and so many other differences. Just because someone is different, it does not mean that we have to treat them unkindly. It’s so attractive when a man is able to see past differences and accepts people for who they are. Some of the best guys I know are able to talk to people and relate to people that are completely different from them.
Is knowledgeable about current events
It’s too much stuff going on right now for someone to not be aware, but there are some guys out there that have no interest in what’s going on in society. When a man is able to discuss the murders of black men, how racism is a social construct, religious killings in Kenya, and how sexual assaults are occurring more frequently on college campuses, I melt a little.
There are a bunch of other attractive qualities a man can have, like being family oriented, likes to read, or listen to good music (this actually may be at the top of my list). Any others I missed?
P.S. Jesse Williams has nothing to do with this post…I just adore him 🙂