Stop Asking People “Why Are You Single?”

With wedding season coming to end, my hope is that it will end the season of being asked “Why Are You Single?”. It feels like on a weekly basis people question my dating life. If they aren’t asking why I am single, they are asking when I’m going to settle down.  If I had to give a short answer it would be, “I have no idea.” The true answer is a lot longer. There are several reasons why I am single, and being asked those reasons is annoying. To eliminate the need to ask this super personal question, here are some honest and simple answers.

I am not ready for a serious relationship. 

Although I’m fairly new to adult dating, I have experienced enough to make me cautious about who I date. I’m sure if I really put myself out there, let some walls down, and give someone a chance, I could be in a relationship. The truth is, I have a little more growing to do before I put myself out there. Sure, I’ll date but I prefer to keep it simple for now.

A relationship isn’t at the top of my list.

Sure, relationships are important and fun to be in. The truth is, I’ve met plenty of single twentysomethings that don’t have a relationship at the top of their list. Most times they have other priorities, like a career and other life plans. If a relationship isn’t number one on a person’s list, they shouldn’t be shamed for it.

The pickings are slim.

This is the honest to God truth. As more people get married or engaged, the dating pool shrinks. Finding someone that meets even a portion of my “nice to haves” is slim to none. Which brings me to my next point…

I’m particular about who I get serious with.

As I said earlier, dating is fun and should be simple. When it comes to serious relationship, standards are a must. Some may say, “you’re probably single because you’re too picky”. That statement probably annoys me the most because it makes it seem like you have to compromise your standards in order to be with someone. Most times our “picky” standards are not picky at all. Things like being kind, functioning like a normal adult, being self sufficient, and having goals is NOT picky. If I know I have great qualities to offer a relationship, I’m not about to date someone that doesn’t have the bare minimum.

I don’t necessarily want to be single.

Just because a person is single, it does not mean they want to be. Maybe they haven’t met the right person, or anyone at all for that matter. Yes, I want to get married one day and have kids. Yes, I have a cat, but I don’t have a desire to be a “cat-lady”. Companionship is cool and having a partner wouldn’t suck.

Meeting people is not easy.

Over and over again I talk to my single friends about how difficult it is to meet a decent person, men and women included. It’s like quality people are hiding under a rock or don’t exist. Because of this reason some of us online date (which is a whole other story), or some of us settle for people we used to kick it with in college. While some people meet their partners at work, those like me that work in the nonprofit world rarely meet people at work. Why do you think people ask those in a relationship “Where did you meet?”

It’s really none of your business

Seriously, it’s not. I gave just a few reasons why a person might be single, but I could have missed some. Everyone is different and have their own reasons. Most times we don’t have the time to rattle off the lists of “whys”. The next time you have the desire to ask someone why they are single, think about these reasons. Or don’t. Just send prayers and good vibes their way. Hope that they are happy regardless of their relationship status. Don’t assume that a person is lonely because they’re single, and don’t assume they are desperate because they are looking.

End rant.



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