When I first started this blog, I was trying to work through a break up. It was my remedy for heart break, my cure for loneliness, and the perfect outlet to release the thoughts that consumed me. I talked about love, forgiveness, and my realities. Everything I wrote was raw, authentic, and genuine. Over time it’s grown into something different. It’s been a space for music, lists, reviews, and recaps. I went from transparency to surface level, and in turn, I fell into a severe bout of writer’s block.
For the past few months I’ve wanted to write, but for the life of me, I couldn’t type anything. I think my concern about what others would think hindered my ability to be open and just write. At the top the year I said I would start back blogging. I even made it one of my resolutions. Clearly, I’ve failed. Interesting enough, I’ve journaled nearly everyday. My journal is filled with thoughts and confessions I would never share with anyone else. But the truth is, I’ve done it before, plenty of times. This blog was my journal.
Instead of writing the past couple of months, I’ve been reading, a lot. Every train ride, plane ride, and sleepless night, I fell into the stories of others. It’s been a needed distraction and to be honest, I missed it. Reading other people’s work took the burden away from writing my own work. On those train rides I get lost. Some days I nearly miss my stop because I’m so into whatever I’m reading. Since I’ve read every book in my library I finally decided to get a library card. The first book I picked up was “Love Poems” by Nikki Giovanni.
Writing poems has always been a thorn in my side. I’ve never been good or creative enough for my taste, so Nikki Giovanni made me feel super inferior. Reading no longer served as a distraction, just a reminder that I stopped writing. In over 2 months, I hadn’t given myself the chance to write a bad poem. Reading “Love Poems” reminded me that I have something to say, and that I missed sharing my thoughts. It reminded me that my writing doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has be honest. So, I won’t make promises about posting every week. I won’t hold myself to standards only I care about. I’ll just write with honesty, genuineness, and love.